Here is Part 2 from Guest Blogger @NeoThaAnomaly from MyRealiTV
Now someone asked me before, “how do we maintain a good line of
communication?” and my response was this…it all depends on you as the individuals in
the relationship, all I can tell you is what works for me but I can’t speak for you and
yours. And again we go back to having a line of communication in the first place because
during the courting phase you should be trying to learn as much about the other person as
possible so you know if they have a hard time opening up or are just an open book and
always willing to talk. When you are on a first date you talk and try to get to know
someone so that you can see if there will be another date, well I personally apply this
same logic throughout my relationship, not saying that now my 7th going on 8th year of
my relationship I use our dates to gauge if there will be another but I do use them to try
to find something new out about my wife each time. I pick her brain about life, goals,
things she likes or wants, etc and she does the same to me…thus we establish a good line
of communication and it keeps me in the know about where her head is at. There are
many things you can do, another thing we like to do is go for long drives and just turn the
music down and just talk about whatever. Sometimes we just ask questions of one
another like “how am I doing?” or “is there anything that I could be doing better” and
this really opens up the doors to many new and exciting conversations.
Communication dies or never exists because you do allow it to die and you allow
it to be non-existent. If you have an issue, find the root of your particular problem
approach your partner and speak on it. I see people run to pick up their phones to tweet or
post Facebook statuses about how mad and upset they are at someone before they even
actually notify that person that they are mad. They readily share the fact that they are
upset with someone to thousands of other people instead of talking to or communicating
with that someone first, that’s weird to me. How can someone fix something if they don’t
know it’s a problem, how can they know what to do to make/keep you happy if you don’t
tell them? You have to communicate, you have to be able to express yourself to your
partner so that they know and are aware, so that they can already have an idea of what
you will be thinking without you even speaking one word about it. These are very hard
things to attain but it’s not impossible, it’s not out of the scope of what can be you just
have to be willing to make it happen. We as people, not just meaning those in
relationships at this point of the discussion, we as people have to be better at
communicating and relaying our feelings, thoughts, etc to one another.
Love is not easy, believe me I know…I had been in and out of it prior to meeting
my wife and I realize now that I have her that communication is key, it works. We don’t
have a ton of fights and issues within our marriage but when we do it always directly ties
to times when maybe we have forgotten to do these things that I am speaking of, when
we have gotten too wrapped up with our regular everyday lives as parents, workers, etc to
sit down and focus on us and our communication. We lie in bed and watch TV or sit on
our tablets instead of just sitting there and having our usual heartfelt talks where we just
chat about everything from our childhoods to what the first trip will be when we retire
years from now.
As I said there is always a direct link to our little disagreements and it
always goes back to times when we don’t have time for us so I am telling you folks,
make time for one another, make time to talk, make time to just sit and communicate.
You could probably count on 2 hands the amount of fights my wife and I have had since
we met in 2004, and I am not saying that to brag, but more to inspire, more to let you
know that we have been able to avoid a lot of those typical shortcomings of relationships
and love because we have great communication and when we do fight, when we do
suffer it’s tied for the most part to when our communication breaks down.
Even in the times when we do fight though it never lasts long because we have the ability to communicate without yelling at one another, without cursing etc now one thing we are guilty of is holding stuff back but even that we are getting much better at so I say all this to say even those that have been at it for awhile need good communication, need to work at it to maintain it. The communication is the lifeline, the communication is the foundation because it’s how you will establish who you are, your identity not only as individuals but in the relationship. All my relationships previous to my marriage failed because I…to put it in the most simplistic words I can find…sucked at communicating and when I realized how important it was I was blessed with my best relationship I have ever known.
<<<<<<< Go Back to Part 1
I agree completely about the communication, but I also feel that the type of communication is detrimental also. Too many times I have heard men say, "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." Most women feel like they are being soft and are putting themselves in a vulnerable position if they lose the attitude or speak with a softer tone. As a woman, I find that I don't want to communicate with any woman that has an attitude. I find myself walking away but sometimes I will get through the interaction and make them realize how they are acting and that it is unnecessary and if they want to get "froggy", I make it known that I can fight! LOL Seriously though, dropping that attitude and listening makes all the difference in the world. This goes for the fella's too, but I am leaning more on the ladies since I am one.
ReplyDeleteYeah you are right about the attitude part, it's very important to try your best (based on the situation) to have yourself in a calm state so that you can have your words taken the right way as opposed to them coming off as anger filled when they truthfully are not. No one responds well to yelling or attitude. But people gotta stop thinking that dropping that attitude makes them weak or vulnerable, you can lay the smackdown on someone in a conversation without any of that if you just properly execute your thoughts
ReplyDelete